Oh yes and

I forgot to mention the water cooler.

The water cooler has been leaking since before Christmas (since before I went away on holiday, then) and it's not the drip-tray. I've established this, the official engineer has established this and now it seems so have several apparently wannabe water cooler engineers that are currently masquerading as professionals in an entirely different industry.

So, my much put-upon colleague unplugged the machine (just before Christmas, but after the service-centre had closed) so that no-one got electrocuted. Today someone goes up to her desk and asks her whether the cooler is working. No, she replies. "But there's water in there", he says. Yes, she says. "So are you sure it's not working". Yes, we haven't yet had an engineer out to mend it. "Right, so it's not working?" No. "Even though there's water in there." That's right. "So I can't have any of that water?" Well [trying hard to be polite], if you're happy drinking 2 week-old stagnant water help yourself, but it's probably not a good idea. "So why isn't the Out of Order sign bigger?" What? "I can't read the Out of Order sign. You'd better make it bigger."

And then he just wanders away from her desk.